Im at strip club and am horny
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize