Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You ruined the universe
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
