I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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