Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
