Rock
Scissors
Fuck
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
