I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
