You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
