i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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