it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
