im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
