i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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