Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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