You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
