it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he fucked my hip out of place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
third nipple confirmed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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