are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
