the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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