Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
