I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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