Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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