Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
