sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
