Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
