toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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