They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
