Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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