I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i think i just lost a toe
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
