you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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