We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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