i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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