Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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