2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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