I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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