How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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