I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
