I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
