whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize