am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm at about main and main street
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
