I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize