Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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