I'm going to jail i love you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
