I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize