I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
