zippers are such a cool invention
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
