Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
