there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
