look no pants
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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