I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
