Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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