he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
