And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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