Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
