we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
