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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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