So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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