but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
