I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
