every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
