so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
