Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
