How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize