I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
