i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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