I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
