Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
