so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
