i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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