yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
