omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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