I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
