I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
either way he was missing a nipple.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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