Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dick very happy bro
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
