So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
