During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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