Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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