I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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