I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
