Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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