Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
