Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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