drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize