im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
