discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
