All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
