Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
