All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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