i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
