I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
