Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
