Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
with your own penis?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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