I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
