You made me cry and you don't even care
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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