im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
