i would punch a child for taco bell
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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