Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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