Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
