So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
