just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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