we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize